Mistletoe
by frozencinders
Summary: Sasuke, being the helpful ninja that he was, had decided to travel the country, mistletoe in hand. Several pairings and mentions of others.


Motochika expected Motonari's expression to change into a scowl when the ninja held the plant over their heads. He instead attempted to hide his confusion, squinting up at it without moving his head.

"It's a Mistletoe. When two people are caught under it, they have to kiss. That's tradition!" Sasuke explained, placing his free hand on his chin.

"Where is this a tradition, exactly?" Motonari asked, returning his gaze to the pirate in front of him.

"Uh... it's... from the west!" Sasuke faltered, figuring Motonari would see a foreign culture as invalid.

"Doesn't matter where it's from, tradition is tradition. Unless you're not man enough for it..." Motochika teased, expecting yet again for Motonari to frown or perhaps blush and look away, but his expression remained blank. The pirate kept forgetting the child of the sun wasn't easily ruffled.

"Locking lips with the enemy is less a show of masculinity than it is foolishness," he said, still refusing to move his ring blade from Motochika's throat, lest the pirate budge the hand holding the anchor that was pressed precariously against his own.

"Come on, set your weapons down and make up- or out- just for a minute!" Sasuke winked as he delivered the joke.

"A minute would be too much time without air. While fooling Chosokabe into weakening himself in the middle of a battle would be useful-"

"Hey, which one of us is the pirate, here?! I can hold my breath longer than you can!"

"Breathing exercises are a form of meditation I practice nearly every day. You would not best me in this contest, nor any other."

"I've had to hold my breath underwater to save my mates you threw overboard-"

"I've had to perform these breathing exercises to push how infuriating you and your men are to the back of my mind-"

"How are my mates infuriating?! What, are we too strong for you?!" Motochika yelled, looking angry despite his smile as he inched forward without regard for the blade pressed to his throat. Motonari took the challenge, moving as much as the anchor would allow him. Sasuke blinked, his arm faltering slightly as he considered escaping before their auras threatened to singe him.

"If you really think you can beat me, prove it!" They said simultaneously, giving their weapons just enough slack to press their foreheads together. They pushed against each other, evenly matched as always. Sasuke lowered his hand and stepped back, the Mistletoe bumping against his face as he scratched his cheek.

Just as the Takeda ninja was about to jump into obscurity, the rivals did as Sasuke wanted in the first place, still trying to overpower each other even as they kissed. Sasuke's whistle was unheard over the clang of their weapons hitting the ground.

"Stupid hat," Motochika grumbled against the child of the sun's mouth, yanking the tall accessory off of Motonari's head.

"Useless jacket," Motonari muttered in response, easily slipping the purple article of clothing off of the pirate's shoulders, as he never had his arms through it anyway.

"Wow, this is a lot further than the Mistletoe requires, you know..." Sasuke's voice fell upon deaf ears once more as the two continued to fight for dominance. The ninja sighed as he left, wondering if he solved the conflict between them or if that happened more often than he could imagine.

* * *

><p>"Ah? Kojuro, did you let the Takeda ninja borrow one of your vegetables or something? It looks like a little tomato plant..."<p>

"Lord Masamune... with all due respect, tomatoes are fruits," Kojuro corrected less than enthusiastically, averting his gaze from his lord to the ninja in question.

"They grow out of the ground, _you see_? They're vegetables," Masamune argued, his retainer simply closing his eyes and giving a barely audible sigh. Sasuke couldn't help but wonder if he'd brought up an argument they had previously started.

"This is a Mistletoe, you're supposed to-"

"So that's what it looks like," Masamune interrupted with a smile. Sasuke felt the urge to knock his own head, remembering the one-eyed dragon's interest in the west. The ninja didn't have to explain what it was meant for as Masamune brought Kojuro into a kiss that hardly surprised the retainer.

"I see you guys already know what to do, then. This was a lot less difficult than getting those two in Chugoku to kiss..."

"Running errands this winter, Sarutobi?" Masamune asked, grin still present. "So you actually got that pirate and the Mori bastard to kiss?"

"Oh, more than that. I think I started a little something more... by accident, of course!" Sasuke winked nonetheless, drawing a scoff out of the dragon. "Anyway, I've got a few more couples on my list to help out. See you later!"

With that, the ninja jumped off into the shadows, surprised when he found Yukimura at the gates to Masamune's home. Sasuke had planned to help Yukimura out after the 25th, but he supposed he could bump his master up a few spaces on the metaphorical list. He sat in wait until the tiger cub was let into the abode.

"Lord Masamune! I humbly request a duel in this time of stalemate!" Yukimura was barely able to finish his sentence before Sasuke appeared, catching his master off guard and pushing him closer to the dragon. Masamune didn't budge, and once they were less than a foot apart, the ninja moved between the rivals and held the Mistletoe up again.

"Sarutobi, you bastard, I thought you already left," Masamune stated rather than asked, his grin from moments prior failing to return. Yukimura stared up at the plant in wonder.

"It's a Mistletoe, master. If two people are caught under a Mistletoe, they have to kiss. Sorry, those are the rules." Sasuke closed his eyes and shrugged with one arm for effect, shocked when he opened them to see that the kiss had already been instigated. Yukimura latched onto Masamune, apparently refusing to let go.

The one-eyed dragon's shoulders eventually fell, and he muttered something akin to "fuck it" in his foreign tongue as he shoved the aforementioned muscle into Yukimura's mouth. The tiger cub returned the kiss enthusiastically until it appeared to be just as much of a fight as the duel he had previously requested. The two went at it for several minutes before Sasuke finally remembered to bring his arm down. Yukimura noticed and pulled away, trying desperately to catch his breath as Masamune stared him down.

"That was truly a challenge," he said between pants, "is this a new form of training?"

"Uh... you were the one who chose to go for that long," Sasuke reminded, and noticed the confusion in Yukimura's eyes.

"I had assumed we were meant to kiss for as long as the berries were above our heads!" The ninja barely hid a snicker as Masamune looked almost hurt.

"What was with all that heat, then? Are you messing with me?" Masamune growled, pulling the tiger cub back to him by his necklace.

"No, lord Masamune! There was no messing involved!" Yukimura promised, and the dragon hummed in consideration before leaning in for another kiss, which the cub fervently returned once more. Sasuke chuckled before disappearing soundlessly, hoping the two would continue to enjoy themselves without him. He looked down at the plant in his hand, the ninja of Echigo coming to mind. Her obvious crush on Kenshin came to mind as well, however, and Sasuke figured he would more likely have shuriken thrown at him than receive a kiss.

Unfortunately, that was exactly what happened. Kasuga was yelling something Sasuke didn't hear as he fled, narrowly avoiding the ninja tools. Sasuke refused to let his failure get to him as he simply moved onto his next objective, quickly abandoning his path to Ieyasu, as he figured Mitsunari would strike him down at the mere mention of the tanuki's name, much less bother with a tradition he wasn't familiar with. Instead, he headed straight for the fox himself, hoping to find his rambunctious underling close by him.


End file.
